Awakening Instincts for Emotional Wellness with Lexi Gross

Ever wondered how reconnecting with your childhood instincts could revolutionize your healing process? Lexi Gross, an adept clinical mental health counselor with a personal narrative of triumph over chronic illness, joins us to unpack the mysteries of somatic experiencing (SE). Our conversation traverses Lexi's professional journey and the transformative role SE plays in her practice. Discover the art of using movement, imagination, and the pivotal role of play to navigate through the murk of trauma and chronic health conditions. Lexi's insights offer a beacon of hope for those seeking self-acceptance and strategies to avoid the perils of burnout.

In a world where emotional articulation can often feel like threading a needle with trembling hands, the second half of our discussion sheds light on the power of somatic therapy. It's not just about talking; it's about embodying change. We explore the intricate dance between physical constriction and emotional responses that occur during life’s most testing moments. Listeners will gain an appreciation for the delicate process of guiding clients from a state of shutdown to a place of vibrant engagement. It's here that therapy transcends conversation, becoming a journey of self-discovery and empowerment—where the unsaid is finally spoken and personal freedom is reclaimed. Join us for this enlightening exploration with Lexi Gross, where we bridge the gap between mind, body, and soul in the therapy room.

https://lexigrosscounseling.com/
https://lexigrosscounseling.com/therapy-groups
https://lexigrosscounseling.com/blog/
https://lexigrosscounseling.com/services-for-professionals

This program is brought to you by:
Kindred Art Therapy
Visit https://www.arttherapync.com/ to schedule a free consultation.
- and -
Alynee Davis, PLLC
Visit https://alynnedavis.com/ to connect.
Alynne is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and Coach.

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Transcript

Aubrey: 1:00

Lexie, welcome to Kindred Conversations. We're here, just you know, celebrating the new year in 2024 and excited to highlight your practice. Can you share a little bit more about you and your practice and what brings you here today?

Lexi: 1:16

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for having me.

Aubrey: 1:18

Really appreciate it.

Lexi: 1:19

Aubrey. I'm Lexie Groves. I am a licensed clinical mental health counselor in North Carolina and a licensed therapist in Oregon as well. I've been in private practice for two years now and primarily work with adults and work with folks who are navigating chronic illness, chronic pain or complex health conditions, as well as focus on working with a lot of professionals struggling with burnout and trauma, and I bring a somatic lens to a lot of my work.

Aubrey: 2:01

How did you get into that Lexie with the somatic stuff? And you know, sure yeah well, a lot of it.

Lexi: 2:09

Some of it was from my personal experience of after grad school.

Lexi: 2:15

We didn't get you know in grad school they don't give you in-depth information or a lot of classes or at least at my time on trauma and I think that's sort of shifting now from what I hear from some friends who are professors.

Lexi: 2:30

But I was really curious about it and I had a couple of mentors who were involved in somatic-based therapies and more of the nervous system-based work around trauma and I started to kind of pick their brain about it and it really was putting a lot of like those puzzle pieces in place in my own brain and my own lived experiences and personal experiences.

Lexi: 2:57

I didn't. It was probably a couple years after that of just kind of having this curiosity that then I ended up engaging in somatic experiencing with a practitioner myself and a lot of that was because I had a chronic illness that was getting a little unmanaged and knew that needed more support with my body as well as the medical side. But there was a lot going on in the nervous system, knew that and it kind of stuck for me when I had learned from these mentors and so I got connected with a really great practitioner and SEP or Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, and at that point I knew that I couldn't not bring this into my own work as a therapist, and so I sought out the three year training for it, and it's been a delight. It's probably one of my special interests where I put a lot of time and effort into continuing learning. Yeah.

Aubrey: 4:01

What would you say makes Somatic Experiencing special? That might be like different than a typical approach to therapy.

Lexi: 4:10

Um, well, that's a really good question.

Lexi: 4:14

Um, I like the flexibility of it and the way that it can work with any individual and how they're nervous to summon, how their brain and how their body works.

Lexi: 4:28

So, um, I'm trying to think of a good way to explain it is that, like SE so Somatic Experiencing we short it for SE um is meant to help ourselves come back to, like, a felt sense of um, our self, our intuition, what is authentic to us and authentic expression of what we want and what we need.

Lexi: 4:53

Um, and so it does a really nice job of when it's done well, or when you've practiced it and gotten into it, um, allowing clients to go back into what they did as kids, to regulate themselves and getting in touch with what they really liked and enjoyed, and bringing in those, like, natural resources that they already knew but maybe had forgotten because of growing up or different conditioning or different expectations. Um, so it, it. It does a really nice job of like, not really having rules of it being done correctly one way or the other, and like, sure, there's parameters so that we like don't cause harm and whatnot, but it, um, I think I really like the way that it allows the uniqueness of each individual and how their brain interacts with the world and themselves. To like, come through um and invites that.

Aubrey: 5:49

It sounds like fun, right, like cause you're getting to reconnect with your childhood pleasures. Yeah, it is so fun.

Lexi: 5:57

Um, well, and you know like we are working with trauma, but part of the way that SC works is like, yes, there's this trauma vortex that we work with, but also this counter vortex or the things that are like opposing of it, and both need to be there to process through some of this hard stuff, and part of it is being bringing in play or fun or imagination or creativity, and that often then shifts our relationship or experience with that traumatic event or whether it's like a chronic pain or chronic symptom, um, that starts to shift our relationship within a way and like bringing that fun, silliness or play, um and I often use that language with my clients of like hey, can we play with that for a bit, and it usually takes some of the intensity out of what we're working on so that it's available and like there's more capacity to be with it, um, which I really appreciate.

Aubrey: 6:54

So what kind of stuff have you been able to incorporate for yourself in terms of like, fun stuff, like what did you read?

Lexi: 7:03

Um, yeah, I think a lot for me was recognizing growing up.

Lexi: 7:09

I mean, I was a pretty anxious kid and just didn't have language, for it Was always needing to be in motion.

Lexi: 7:14

And when I started to learn more about the nervous system and learn some of my own skills and um, usually in the first part of SC is some education and just basic regulation skills so I realized I was like, oh, I had these like movement patterns or things that I would fidget with or ways that I would um move when I was feeling anxious.

Lexi: 7:41

That would help me as a kid and a teenager. And I realized that I had like kind of told myself or like stopped, kind of contained myself in that, that that just wasn't working, and so being able to touch back into those ways that my body naturally wanted to move when that activation or anxiety or stress came up has been really lovely, um, as well, as I think for me, a part of SC is we have different modes of or ways that our nervous system regulates, and one of those channels is through image or imagination, and so just bringing in imagery of, like, my younger self, um, and being able to see the ways that she wanted to move or play or be or be interacted with has been really helpful for myself, that's awesome.

Aubrey: 8:37

It sounds like what you're saying is that through the maturation process, maybe meeting other people, they say, oh well, that's not okay, or that's not okay Maybe your movements or the things that you're doing, and so people naturally just gravitate away from those, only to realize that those were actually really protective for them. Yeah.

Lexi: 8:57

Yeah, yes, and same with like Even different like vocalizations or ways that we use our voice or singing or making like silly noises, like if you're around kids Like they are making silly noises all the time, it's like they have their own little like soundtrack going on and that is another way that we often get that Removed or like that's not okay or that's kind of weird or awkward, when really that there was a reason for it and it's like can be playful in a way to kind of discharge some of that Activation so the system doesn't feel like it's holding on to so much.

Aubrey: 9:36

So then I imagine that there's a lot of like self-acceptance that goes into this.

Lexi: 9:41

Yes, yeah, there's self-acceptance and a lot of compassion and, and with a lot of that, there tends to be a lot of grief, work too, of Kind of coming into some of these things of like oh wow, I I've like lost connection to this, or I wonder what it would have been like if I had access this earlier, or you know. So some of that grief comes in that usually is paired a lot with Self-compassion and understanding of like well, and at this time, this is what I was doing and needed to do, and I didn't have the caretakers or other people there to like help guide me in the way that I needed or the resources that I needed.

Aubrey: 10:20

I mean, it sounds just like an incredible set of tools, and what I'm wondering about for you is like I really want to be able to connect with some people in our audience that maybe you know very concretely could identify with. You. Know a confidential story of of the client or two that you've served that you know it's helpful to know like specifics about, like maybe this is happening with them and this is how you approached in, how it was really helpful.

Lexi: 10:55

Yeah, absolutely. Um, let's see here, yeah, and that's also I glad that you asked this question, because I some of my clients that come to me They've never done somatic therapy or somatic experiencing before and like there's no need to have that understanding, and so oftentimes it's like, so what does it actually look like in session? Like what do we actually do? And let me think here. So, um, I think common themes that are coming up right now maybe for some of my clients it's not just like one, but I kind of noticed different themes that come through is, um, some clients who have been struggling with finding their voice, um, or feeling like they are able to access their voice in work situations or relationships, whether it's with their partners or friends or even family, um, and noticing a lot of like physical constriction that shows up in their throat or their chest, and, um, that usually comes up around times of something that triggered them so it could be gotten to an argument or felt, an emotion that they have a really hard time with and things get constricted. And then sometimes what I see and this is again, this is going to depend because each person's body and nervous system is different, but there tends to be patterns of Some more freeziness or some of like the cloudiness of the brain, fog, or things start to feel heavy or lethargic, or you're like your thoughts don't really, like they're not totally there, um, and so kind of that challenges.

Lexi: 12:39

Usually there's some connection in the past of not having been able to speak or express whatever emotions coming up or say what they want, and usually harkens back to something in childhood, but sometimes not, um, it can be an adult experience where it wasn't safe to share that.

Lexi: 12:55

Or they got the immediate feedback of like oh, I need to, like kind of like be small or hold back, um, and so there's like this incomplete response of not being able to say this thing. And so when I work with clients in that, noticing that that's starting to happen, we can like slow it down, um, and hopefully catch it before, like the fogginess comes in, because usually that's like a sign that things are getting a little intense, um, and when we slow it down and we're able to be with maybe some of the tension and noticing where that is in the voice, it's um, um, depending on the client, I kind of ask them to see where their nervous system is taking them, um, and so it may be that there's some more of that emotion there, that's elsewhere, and so it's like can we be with like a little bit of that emotion?

Lexi: 13:45

And as we're with that emotion like, does an image come up Whether it's a memory and it may not be, could just be a random image that pops up for them, and that's a way that they're able to be with that emotion without it being overwhelming, and then, kind of following that, it's like, as you're with that, like is there something that wants to be said, or can we just come back to the construction in the throat and just be with that without trying to change it right now and just watch as it shifts? And so, moving through that and sometimes it takes a couple of times in that pattern with clients for there to be a shift in being able to then be with the anger or their voice or feel more comfortable speaking up when that trigger comes in of whether it's anger or conflict, and instead of shutting down, they're able to stay with it and project and say what they actually mean or feel.

Aubrey: 14:46

So I think that's helpful. Yeah, no, I think that from a client's perspective, what you're describing is sort of like a little bit of the middle of the process. They might say that that's like the bulk of it right there. But what I'm imagining, that the question that I would ask if I was coming in is like OK, well, really like, practically, what does this look like? And I'm imagining OK, well, you do your initial assessment, you go through all of their questions related to their family history and their medical stuff, and it's kind of routine like that in the first session or two, and then maybe in the second or third session, as you're discussing current life circumstances and as things are coming up, they might disclose that they had this experience where they are talking about trying to self-advocate or trying to stand up for what they want and then, from there, just feeling ashamed and frustrated after the fact because they didn't really get to say what they wanted. So from there, that's where you pick up and help them go back to that moment.

Lexi: 16:00

Yeah, and usually it's. And this is a piece where, in my gauge with clients, and yeah, in the first couple of sessions of seeing their comfortability with their body, noticing sensation and noticing or even their connection to if they notice different shifts in their body, as well as giving a lot of education on the nervous system, so they start to have some language for what's going on. And then usually, depending on again, it depends on the client. In my sense, because of the resonance that is within the relationship. At this point I can't necessarily tell why I choose to notice things or point things out. At this point it's an intuitive, my system's responding to theirs and it's more or less of bringing attention, of, oh, as you are saying that, or bringing that up that you weren't able to do that, what do you notice happening? And that's where we work, or can we slow down? Or, before that started to happen, what do you remember might have been an indicator that that was starting to happen?

Aubrey: 17:07

So helping through that narrative process and their talking to you, helping them to be self-reflective by taking pauses throughout the conversation to check in with their body.

Lexi: 17:21

Yeah, and it all depends on the patient.

Lexi: 17:24

So this is again me getting used to each client's nervous system pattern, because some people have more energy and activation and so slowing down for longer pauses is going to feel far more disruptive to that client's process. And so it's gauging of where do we go back and where can we slow down, as well as, with other clients, of being able to like really draw some of that out of like. Ooh, like that felt really something happened there I'm curious about. I'm like wondering if it would be okay to just check in with what's showing up for you or like where is your attention going, as I like pause us and that leaves it open of like rather than be like what are you feeling? Your body? It's more or less of like you may not be feeling something in your body, but you might be noticing something external, or more aware of something, hearing wise, or you're maybe caught in your thoughts and didn't realize that there was like an emotion that came through, that showed up in something, and how your body was like physically responding.

Aubrey: 18:28

That I kind of picked up on yeah, and that makes me think too of like, okay, well, they're maybe noticing something that's outside of themselves or in their thoughts. Maybe that disconnection within their body is related to that trauma that they experienced in the past.

Lexi: 18:47

Yes, yeah, and that's a kind of a thing that we spend a lot of time in in the SC.

Lexi: 18:55

Training is something called like coupling dynamics, and this is not going to go into all of it, but basically a lot of it is that sometimes we over couple things so as like a protective response, so meaning that we have maybe the experience and notion that feels like we haven't been able to feel it for whatever reason, whatever stories behind it, or it feels too much to our body, and so our kind of automatic response, where it gets over coupled, is like another emotion comes on top of it.

Lexi: 19:28

So classic one that I see a lot of is anger pops up, but before anger can even register tears, just like, and sadness or shame or guilt just like dampens it and like shuts it down, and so they're like too close together and we have to work on separating them out, whereas I think with the opposite is undercoupled and kind of speaking to what you're saying is that sometimes my job is helping clients bring things that need to be closer, more closer associated together, but because different protective mechanisms, their brain and nervous system has like made them really far apart and so they're not necessarily registering that like when they have this thought, this emotion actually is also showing up, but they're not connected to it or they just get disconnected from their body or this thing starts to happen. And so it's helping to bring the awareness, to bring those associations a little bit more in relationship in an appropriate way.

Aubrey: 20:24

Lexi, as you're describing all of this, my humor is popping in my mind, thinking like you are so smart and I would never realize like how much is going on in your mind behind the scenes. To, like, help move them forward.

Lexi: 20:42

Yes, I appreciate that acknowledgement because there are sometimes we're like in sessions there's not a lot of words that happen, but there is so much happening on my end as well as the client's end that it's like there's, there's a lot going on.

Aubrey: 20:58

Yeah, so just because, like that conversation doesn't seem to like be happening, doesn't mean that there's not something happening.

Lexi: 21:08

Correct, yes.

Aubrey: 21:09

Yeah.

Lexi: 21:09

And that's definitely something that I am now very comfortable with too is like these long silences and some clients. They don't like that and again, that's based off the nervous system. But, like I like to allow spaciousness, to allow their system to move through as it is and shift as it is, and for them to experience it without me getting in the way.

Aubrey: 21:33

Yeah, awesome. Well, you know, like I say, it's been really a pleasure having you here and getting to meet you and get to know you a little bit more. How can clients reach out to you? I know you're in North Carolina and in Oregon, so we have, you know, two states really that you're spending. But yeah, how do people connect with you?

Lexi: 21:57

So they can find me on my website, which is my practice name, which is lexigroscounselingcom, and you can find my information there. There's ways that you can reach out via email or text message or calling. You can probably also find me on like psychology today in the Asheville, north Carolina area. If you search lexigrosc, I'll pop up Awesome.

Aubrey: 22:23

Yeah, that's great. I mean, people are really needing this work, so I appreciate you coming on today to share more about your work.

Lexi: 22:32

Yeah, thanks for letting me talk about it. I love talking about somatic experiencing, so it was lovely.

Aubrey: 22:37

Thank you so much and for those of you who are listening in today, if you like this episode, go on bizradious and go to find out more information. Be sure to like and subscribe to our channel here on Kindred Conversations.